Transient State

Singing ” To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die”

vernonia — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 16:34:10 +0000

The movie, “500 Days of Summer” began with the narration below:

This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he’d never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie ‘The Graduate’. The girl, Summer Finn of Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of her parent’s marriage she’d only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing. Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story.

I had then decided that this movie is worth a watch, even though it’s midnight and i had to work the next day. And then came the scene, when Tom was listening to The Smiths – There is a light that never goes out..

All through the movie, there were so many quotes and dialogues which made shitloads of sense and truth, eventhough the truth hurts most of the time. Contrary to all the “happily ever after” fairy tales that we all grew up with, this movie gave the audience a taste of reality. All hope is not lost though, it’s just telling us that there are hurdles and barriers before we can find the right one. We don’t know if Tom ever finds the right one, but he’s opening up to new chances and posibilities. And that’s what matters more. Afterall, life goes on.

Below are some dialogues and quotes taken from the scenes in 500 days of Summer:

Tom: What happens when you fall in love?
Summer: You believe in that?
Tom: It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

Rachel Hansen: Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don’t. Now, I think you’re just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I, uh, I really think you should look again.

Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. November 19th, 2010 was a Friday. And i think i’m finally falling in love again.

My first MRI scan experience

vernonia — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 15:52:53 +0000

Have i ever mentioned that i’m probably a little claustrophobic? On a field visit into a chemical storage tank, i had problem entering the manhole. It was all dark, and the walls just seemed to close in on me.. This guy from the same course held my hand and i got through it.

I just had my first MRI scan today .. .on my right wrist, which was hurting really badly the night before. It took me a lot of courage to go through that 30 minutes of torture. No matter how tightly i had my eyes shut, i could still feel the enclosure. I had no sense of time in there… and so i counted the number of songs being played on the headphone. It certainly did not look as scary when i saw this in Grey’s anatomy. >.< I’m just so glad it’s over. I wish i could tell him what i was going through and what was going through my head in the 30 minutes which seemed like eternity. I wonder if the things that remind me of him, reminds him of me. Perhaps, i should just keep it this way. Let it be something which makes me wonder, for the truth may not be what i wish for.

Well, I’m still alive and kicking, just so you know! The MRI scan didn’t kill me and the painkiller works wonders.

A good closure or a permanent scar?

vernonia — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 04:36:50 +0000

Understanding doesn’t mean that i accept it. My silence is not meant to make you feel bad, but it is really because you have driven me speechless..

I’ve got the explanation, which you owed me.. and I want to put it into a good closure, for i couldn’t bring myself to hate you.

Neither can i wish you well..

vernonia — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:46:46 +0000

It’s all about lines. The finish line at the end of residency. Waiting in line for a chance at the operating table. And then there is the most important line. The line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn’t help to get too familiar. To make friends, you need boundaries. Between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It’s all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand. And praying like hell no one crosses them. At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So you can waste your life drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines …that are way too dangerous to cross. Here’s what I know. If you’re willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.

A quick update on my recent life..

vernonia — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 15:34:54 +0000

Latest favourite song : Best Coast – When i’m with you

Latest movie i’ve watched : Storm Warriors – I’ve waited for almost ten years since the first movie. It’s finally here.. It’s quite surprising that Aaron Kwok and Ee Kin still look the same. Don’t they grow old like all the mortals do? haha

Latest sad incident : Ego was bruised. .. badly bruised. A friend said, he must be gay. I secretly hoped he is, so i’m less hurt. lolz.

Latest interest i’ve picked up : Sign Language. Perhaps i could use it as a skill to earn a living as a translator when oil reaches its peak, and I’m out of job.

Latest book I’ve bought : Postsecret – Confessions on Life, Death and God

Latest book I’ve read: Haruki Murakami – After Dark

Latest gadget in my possession : Nil – 24″ inch monitor is not counted.. Maybe it’s time to pamper myself.

Review : The curious incident of the dog in the night-time

vernonia — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 08:11:19 +0000

I haven’t finished reading any books since a couple of months ago, until last night after my visit to the Book Festival. ( Every time i wanted to do some casual reading, my mind screamed ” You could use the time to read the manual/guidelines instead.” Sigh, choosing to do the technical line has a price to pay >.< ) Anyway, that doesn’t stop me from buying them. I have an odd interest. I enjoy looking at my collection of books. The mere satisfaction of buying and owning them can make my day. Hence, I spent a good 3 hours, and a whopping RM300 in adding to the pile of unread and untouched books, which i have inadvertently collected.

Having accidentally bought all the books, I thought i’d give myself a break and unwind for a bit. I picked up this book by Mark Haddon which reads ” The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time”. I have to say that the cover and the title didn’t seem too appealing and interesting. But then again, we’ve all heard that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover and i’m just glad that it applies this time. The book is indeed a good read.

Written in the first-person perspective of Christopher Boone, a 15-year-old autistic boy, the book brings the reader through the eyes of a much *simpler perspective, the way things are ought to be. And at times, you can’t help but smile at the author’s dark humor in mocking the irony of human’s characters. Being a gifted boy in mathematics, the inclusion of the puzzles of maths and logic in book, challenged the readers to solve the puzzles as we live through the life, fear and feelings of an autistic boy. The character’s atheism and his perspectives on a few unrelated subjects such as the Cottingley Fairies brings a fresh perspective for the readers. However, if you’re the type of a reader who looks for orgasmic experience in a book, this may not be the right thing for you. The isn’t a particular climax to begin with, let alone a particular “happily ever after” ending. Some might even find that the book ended abruptly, but all in all, this book is really about the journey, rather than the destination.

I’d give it an 8 out of 10 and end this with a =).

* If only human’s expressions are as simple as these:

=) <– happy

=( <– sad

>.< <– ??

-_- <– ??

Saying it ( or rather writing it) in BM

vernonia — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 08:31:52 +0000

I haven’t read or written anything in BM since Form 5, and that’s about 9 freakin’ years ago. I’ve decided that i’d give it a try, to have my thoughts in Malay and have it typed down the moment the train of thoughts come. I figured the easiest to begin with.. should be a free flow of feelings. No facts, nothing. I have to say it didn’t go too well.. lolz

Tanpa disedari, ia telah menjadi salah satu kebiasaan hidupku. Setiap detik yang berlalu tanpanya, atau apa-apa pun yang berkaitan dengannya membuat hatiku resah. Telefon bimbitku dibawa ke mana-mana sahaja aku pergi. Setiap kali bunyi dering kedengaran, hatiku berharap dialah orangnya. Mesej ataupun telefon. Apa-apa sahaja ..

Dia telah memenangi pertempuran ini. Apa yang tinggal hanyalah hati yang luka, sebuah harapan yang berkecai and a bruised ego ( yea, i can’t figure the right words in Malay.. ego yang berlebam? lolz =P).

Hope, Expectations and Disappointments

vernonia — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:19:46 +0000

It’s true that good things come to you when you’ve least expected it. And while it’s here, you should cherish it, and have faith ( a lot of faith) in hope that things will be better. With hopes, there comes expectations. It was never taught in schools, that expectations and disappointments are inextricably linked, like a pair of non-identical twins, struggling to build their own identities only to be constantly compared, and linked into similar situations. As hard (or as nonchalant) as you try not to put them together, the other will cast a shadow at one point or another.

I’ve hoped for the better, and the better had come. Right before it reached the peak, on a point about 0.0025 away from the best things that could have happened, it all went downhill, and never seemed to rise again..

Am i disappointed? Yes.

Do i really want it? Probably ( My pride’s talking with a tad bit of denial)

If i didn’t really want it anyway, then why do i loathe this feeling of losing it?

I wish i could tell Hope, Expectations and Disappointments that I’ve made up my mind, that i’ve only wanted Hope all along. The other two can leave me alone so i can continue whining, but still have Hope to lean on when i stumble.

When time passes by so quicky..

vernonia — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:18:17 +0000

I remember going for my maiden trip to the Rainforest Music Festival last year .. and now i’m back from another, a year later.

I wish i could say that i’ve enjoyed myself tremendously. Was it the mood? or was it the music? Perhaps both contributed. The workshop during the day, was actually the only highlight for me.

The lady kick-arsed with her shimmies.. “shimmied” so much that i can’t even take a still pic of her =P

Leng lui Queen Zee, Kelvin and Poh Yee

Me, Hilton

Cam-whoring sessions

If the way you treat her is the way you would to a sister..

vernonia — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 09:14:58 +0000

then i would rather be your sister.